Ramblings // Owning it, Setting Boundaries, Taking Control of Your Happiness
Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is taking control of your life and the direction you want it to go. Basically taking active steps to come out of the victim mentality that we so often fall into. And this isn't about being a control freak over every single thing in life, it's more about being aware of things happening in your life and having the ability to navigate through all the yuck. It's about being active and taking control of your emotions and therefore the outcomes to produce the life you really want. It's about setting boundaries and learning from your mistakes to make your life better. And sometimes, it's about owning when you fail so that you can get back up and try again (and hopefully this time, do better).
In the past year, specifically, I've been working hard on boundaries and saying no. This is a really difficult thing for me as I'm a natural giver and nurturer. But I've learned that it's what I need to do for my sanity and to protect myself from burnout, resentment, and other negative feelings. And a hard part of this learning process is owning when you make a mistake and owning when you let something happen when you could have put your foot down and said no instead.
So for example:
Most nights, I spend the few hours after my daughter goes to bed with the bf until about midnight when we go to sleep. And then my daughter and I wake up at 6 and she catches the bus at 6:45. Usually, I go back to sleep for another 2 hours because let's be real, this mamma needs her 8 hours of sleep to be a boss (aka just be more productive) and most importantly, be pleasant (aka not a total cunt) throughout the day. However, there are some days when she makes excuses and wants me to take her to school. *insert eye roll* On these days, we don't end up leaving the house until 7:15 (even though I still wake up at 6, so that's an hour wasted being awake), I don't end up getting home until 8, and then when I try to take a nap I oversleep, and my whole day is thrown off as a result.
Some days I allow it because she didn't get to bed on time the night before (my fault) and I don't want her to be tired so I sacrifice. But this week, it's already happened 3 out of 4 days and this morning I was pissed, tbh. I just wanted a decent night sleep because yesterday was one of those days where I got delayed and then I didn't finish all my work and I knew that today I needed to be on top of it so I could catch up from yesterday and on top of that, finish ALL of my work load for today. We have a 3 day weekend coming up (yay) and I need to finish *everything* by tomorrow morning. Needless to say, the pressure is on.
So she woke up and said she was tired (probably my fault), I told her I'd take her to school but I was so angry and stressed already, at 6 in the morning. And I knew it was bad too. I knew I didn't want to start my day that way, otherwise I'd reeeeeally be having a bad day, so I started working to change it. I let myself be angry for a bit. I told Eliza that next week, all week, she needed to be catching the bus. She apologized several times and I felt bad. I tried to be as nice as possible. So anyways, that means I need to be getting her to bed on time. That was my fault. And from there, I started taking ownership of the problem. I need to be getting her to bed on time and then be disciplined enough in the morning to make sure she is up and will be getting on the bus.
I know I need to take these steps for myself and actually *stick* to them so that my days go smoothly, for all of us. Because when I don't get enough sleep 1) I'm grumpy 2) I don't finish all my work because my productivity & motivation levels are shit 3) I'm not pleasant to be around and 4) I'm a total bum by the time everyone gets home and the rest of the day is basically a waste. And then when I sleep in too late because my day was delayed 1) I'm stressed because I am getting a late start 2) I'm scatter brained and not as productive because I'm stressed and already know I'm behind 3) I'm trying to rush but am not actually because I'm thrown off 4) have to work late because I'm so behind 5) don't have enough time/am rushed to do everything else like spend time with my family or cook them dinner or run whatever grocery/dropping off Eliza errands I need to do and 5) end up having to schedule extra work for the next day because I can't complete what I was supposed to today and then my next day is going to stressful too because I already schedule myself so much and anything on top of that is just too much.
So really, I need to be able to keep my schedule (and probably schedule myself less to begin with?). But to do that, I have to set boundaries for myself and others. I need to be able to take ownership oh when I'm just letting things slide and I need to be able to look at it objectively so I can take steps to correct what I'm letting happen.
Even though I didn't get enough sleep this morning and I have extra work from yesterday, I'm staying up all morning to hustle it out and hopefully get back on schedule. I could have stayed mad or stressed or gone back to sleep but I'm taking ownership for how things went down and I'm doing my best to move on from there. I don't have any anger or resentment anymore, it happened, I learned from it, next week I'll be wiser and it'll be better. But also, I know I need to be flexible. Things happen sometimes and that's ok too. I've slightly tweaked my schedule for the remaining day and a half to reflect that because let's be real, I probably over-scheduled myself (again, what a surprise). But I know I've got a coffee date in a bit and as much as I'm trying not to drink coffee these days, it's just going to have to happen. Being flexible!
Anyways, that's what I'm working on lately ~